._. removals ._.

Yup... matapos ko sagutan ang seventy points final exam sa math kaninang tanghali... sigurado na ko ngayon... more than fifty percent ang chance na bumagsak. Tsk. Ayoko na!

Hay... khet kelan.. nde nagwork ang.. magbasa muna ng notes bago magsolve.. at nde ko rin nmn kaya ang magsolve lang ng magsolve at hindi magbasa ng notes. Aysh, kelangan talaga pareho magawa mo bago ang exams.

Well, what can I say... sa monday... double doom's day. May exam ako sa chem., finals.. tapos.. release ng grades sa finals exam ng math. O di ba.. sure agad na depressed ako the whole day. Sigh... pero that's life... tsk.. i hate it... it sucks.. big time.

Pano ba yan.. gaya ng sabi ng kapatid ko.. alam ko na ang feeling ng mga students na kuntento ng sa grade na 75. Sana lang, sa sitwasyon ko, magawa ko khet sa 60% lang d ba?

Uhh... I still have my fingers crossed. Malay mo.. sheesh... pano pag nawalan ng malay? Ano na?

fear

At syempre.. ang sagot sa comment ni geli.. kaw bestfriend ha... hmp! *grins*

Hindi naman sa natatakot mahusgahan...pero... when I mentioned sila, I was actually referring to my family? uhh.. basta... sila... mahirap i-explain.

onga no.. lumalabas na natatakot lang ako ma-judge ng mga tao. Partly, one-half.. nope.. a quarter.. uhh... 15%? Siguro eto un.. ayaw ko masira ung plans ng iba. ayoko na ma-disappoint sila.

Fine, fine. I just went back to where I started. Hay.. ewan ko. Wag na ngang intindihin yan.


*Nonsense. I'm an expert at that. Kaya dun't mind me... it practically comes and goes.

Ay, nga pala... napasa ko na ang english paper ko! Sa wakas! hehe.. and... na-realize ko lang. Few people should know what I just posted... hmm... delete ko kya itong account? aysh... hassle un.. wag na lang.

down the right path...

Naku, kakarevise ko lang ulit ng english paper ko.. at syempre.. I haven't started reviewing my Math. Tsk. Well, meg said my paper was better this time. Pero, not enough for a Dos. Hay... i'm sure tres ulit yan paper na yan... asar... ang hirap gumawa ng paper sa prof na un... pero... i like him.. honestly... kamukha niya si boy abunda! at intelligent pa! *grins*

Anyways, napag-usapan nmn ni meg ang grade. Nasabi rin niya na baka hindi daw pala ako for eng'g.. tinanong nia kung gusto ko ba talaga...

Ano nga ba?

Noong simula pa lang, alam ko na na hindi na ko pwedeng mag-shift ng ibang course. Ayaw ni papa... me magagawa pa ba ko dun? Pero syempre, alam ko na kaya ng powers ko ang pilitin sila, in the future, kung gugustuhin kong mag-shift. Pero... aysh! Puro pero ah... Sabi ko kay meg, kelangan ko makatapos... este gusto pala, gusto ko makatapos sa kursong ito. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit. Siguro dahil marami sa amin ang eng'g at isa akong failure kung hindi ko magawa iyon... ahh hindi, ayoko lang sabihin nila na hindi ko kinaya ang engineering. Isa pa, gusto ko magawa ang nagawa ng papa ko...

Bakit ganun? Date, ako 'tong against sa pag-engineering.. civil eng'g to be precise... ayaw ko talaga dahel lahat na nga sila ganun... eng'g pa den pero aeronautical... pero, eto.. nasan ako ngayon.. nandito, gustong tapusin ang dating ayaw ko. Khet san ko tignan, hindi ko makita ang sarili ko na iba ang trabaho maliban sa pagiging isang engineer.

Tama si meg, ano ba ang nakain ko ang nagse-senti mode ako ngaun? Madalas na ganyan... kya nga ayoko ng tumatahimik at naiiwan para makapag-isip-isip. Hindi ko naman dapat pino-problema 'to d ba? Eng'g student na ko... UP dil pa.. ang dapat ko na lang isipin ay pumasa. Pero... eto na nmn eh... may apat na taon pa ko... kaya ko ba talaga? Hindi kaya dumating ung time na maisip ko na hindi ako para dito? Pano kung fifth year na, tpos ayoko pala.. hala...

Ngayon alam ko na ang feeling ng itinatanong sa sarili mo kung bakit ka nasa kursong iyan... at syempre humanap ng sagot. Mahirap, khet ako hnde pa rin cgurado kung bakit...

Sa ngayon siguro, gusto ko i-challenge ang sarili ko na tapusin ang sinimulan ko. Ahh... tama. Siguro, yun na lang muna.

Sige, mag-aral ka ! Senti-senti... tinatamad ka lang magbasa ng libro at notes eh!

one down... two to go!

Aysh! Ayaw ko na... bukas ang deadline ng final paper ko sa english... and my paper sucks... big time! Argh! Gustuhin ko man irevise ng irevise... ayaw talaga lumabas ang mga ideas. I always end up fixin' the tenses, gramatical errors... pero magdagdag ng evidences.. hah! aysh...

Kelangan ko na rin magsimula mag-review sa Math... ni-try ko basahin ung Chem ko kahapon... at hindi ko man lang natapos ung last chapter na kelangan ko basahin para makapag-simula na ko sa umpisang-umpisa na mga lecture.

Ayoko na!

Nagtxt c fao kgbe at nasabi nia na hindi pa cia nakakapagbasa for her psych, anthro, and chem exams... should I feel uhh..proud (?) na may nagagawa na ako khet papano? e kso may deadline naman kse sia sa Panpil eh... I'm sure un ang ginagawa nia kya nde siya makapag-aral for her other subjects. Mas marami siyang natatapos... eh ako? wala! Walang ginagawa kundi mag-break ng mag-break... kain dito... tambay dun.. masyado ko minahal ang pagpapahinga... eh nde pa dapat...

sheesh... well, sino ba dapat sisihin? bat ba ko angal ng angal dito... dapat alam ko kung bakit ganito at gahol ako sa oras... tsk.tsk.tsk.

spyware

Gah! My computer's definitely infected with such things.. spyware.. adware.. it's making net surfing inconvenient! I'd really have to reformat the computer... I've got really big files in here... tsk! I can't just erase them. They're hard to find!

O ayan... partner, may reason na kung bat may seven comments dun sa isang post mo! kung baket nmn kse nde pdeng i-delete totally lahat.. kelangan may note pa na someone posted a comment, but then decided to delete it after.

Sheesh!

Bakit bothered? Ah... fao.. dapat kebs lang di ba? pero grrr! May topak ang pc ko! At ayaw ko nun... pc ko?! Bakit?!

Sigh...

seven

Yes! I'm finally done with my first revision! Haha... and something to celebrate... I woke up at 7 am... that rarely happens, you know. I'm planning to get more sleep this afternoon.. 'coz there things that should be done! And what might those be? Hah! Don't even ask...

Geli... thanks for putting up with me last night. I know it was childish... err... hmmm... sorry po. Well, nde ko rin alam kung pno mo ginagawa un... siguro konting people lang ang.. uhh... few can put up with me during my moments of increased emotional expression... *grins* .. nde pa pala kta nagagawan ng testi! ayan... ngayon i've got sumthin' to write na.. pero after exams na lang ha...

okies.. talk to you later...

hoy!

hoy myk! mey ym ka ba? nde ako makareply sau at kontrahin ka sa mga sinasabe mo eh! mag-usap daw ba sa blog?! hay... mas madali makapang-away kung sa ym... nde mo ba na-realize un? aggre? anong aggre... ni hindi ko nga alam kung kaya ko ang next sem eh..!

geli... ako unang comment sa site mo ha! *grins* snorlax!

geli's request

just now... haha... we, geli and i, finished answering survey questions for each other. yup, I know it was a crazy thing to do.. pero it was her idea! accomplice lang ako.. siya ung mastermind! haha.. good thing she didn't ask for a revision... Before answering the questions... I asked for a condition that no names would be mentioned.. well, aside from geli and meg. Haha.. I wrote down the name of her crush... she almost freaked out! Strong use of words pero... nataranta daw cia... hahaha... anyway.. here's the survey... post one sa friendster with a friend or someone para mas masaya!

~*~

Date: Friday, March 25, 2005, 4:03:00 AM
Subject: karen's survey..... hehehe (courtesy of geli)

Message:

1.Sino crush mo?~ hmmm...OWs...meron? tlga? hahaha
2. Sino ang bestfriend mo?~ c geli at c meg
3. Mom or Dad?~ minsan mama... pero mostly papa (xempre! daddy's little girl ata to)
4. Cno ang anghel ng buhay mo?~ friends... (esp. geli n meg)
5. Sino favorite bball player mo sa school?~ next tym...dnt ask this question to karen coz u'l just get NONE for an answer
6. Ano favorite song mo?~ sa ngayon... hmmm... true..
7. Kung maiiwan ka sa deserted place, anongdadalhin mo?~ lptp na may internet connection!
8. Favorite bookS mo?~ bookS? err.. da vinci code. hp.
9. Kakainis ba sagutan toh?~ depends...
10. ilang questions gusto mong sagutan?~ i dunno

**yikes! wala pala no. 11**

12. Favorite band mo?~ dbsk.... (dnt bother wondering what those letters stand for if u have no clue who they r, k? u'l just make it hard for urself)
13. Sino ang pinakamakulit na kaibigan mo?~ c geli (but of course)
14. Pinakamatalino?~ xempre c 3 blind mice (kaya nga lakas ng bonding e) juz ask karen who they are ha =)
15. Pinakamagaling magbball?~ miernie... cno pa? ay... si chryza pala.. hahaha... preho lang cla... but of course c MEG..hahaha
16. Pinakamagaling kumanta?~ c rechelle! at c fao! at 3 blind mice ulet!!!
17. Pinakamagaling magbreak dance?~ uuhhh...? c jik at c myk? ay! c ja!
18. Ilan nagkakacrush sayo?~ 2 (mwahahaha) guess who? heartthrob mo bf!!

*pate no. 19!**

20. Sino mortal enemy mo?~ cia! n6610i! kilala mo na ... tama ikaw!
21. Nabasted ka na ba?~ huh? heller...girls lyk us don't court guys even if it's already the 21st century (uhuh *nod*)
22. May bf/gf kna ba?~ of course not!!! why would she be a member of kappa etta mu in the 1st place....
23. Sa kaibigan mo, sino favorite mo?~ yung mahilig manlibre!
24. Sa bahay nio, sino lagi mong kausap?~ ung tv (it's a trait so there's nothing we can do abt it...juz accept her...she have good characteristics naman e...)
25. Sino mahal mo?~ family, friends.. (esp. 3 blind mice)
26. Maganda ba ang mga kapatid mong babae?~ xmpre! (achus... sbe ko lang un...)
27. Pikon ka ba?~ definitely
28. Meron ka bang bisyo?~ net... downloading 'n stuff... telebabad... animes... korean tv series and of course cramming!!! mwahahaha (kaya nga bstfrnds kme)
29. Nainlove ka na ba?~ mwahahahaha....what do u think??? of couse not!!! karen pa...e hermit yan (peace bf) actually hndi hermit...pihikan pala ung term!!! mwahahaha
30. Huling pinuntahan na gmik?~ east wood yata.. sa dencio's i think...
31. Huling pinakinggan?~ every heart
32. Huling katext?~ katrine!
33. Huling kausap sa fone?~ c geli!
34. Sa cellphone?~ tiyo loy!
35. Huling kinain?~ mais
36. Huling ininom?~ water
37. Huling pinanood?~ love storm (yuck! dahel sa kptid ko... tsk.tsk.)
38. Huling binasa?~ gold standard sa wikipedia.com!
39. Huling ka chat?~ gely 'n meg
40. Huling kinaasaran?~ hmm...
41. Huling niyakap?~ pillow ko!
42. Huling iniyakan?~ uhh... iiyakan pa lang siguro (chem 16! tinatanong pa ba?)
43. Huling tinawanan?~ as far as i know...c ton2 (mwahahaha) manalangin na lgn tyo na hndi nya to basahin =P
44. Huling nginitian?~ c geli!!! khet sa ym lng...
45. Huling tinulungan?~ umm... friends? yup! go chem classmates!
46. Huling hinalikan?~ mwahahahaah (cno kaya? hmmm)
47. Huling minahal?~ duh!!! how on earth can a person know that!!! as long as u meet a new friend or lover and love him/her ...nadadagdagan ang mga taong minamahal mo.. kaya walang last dun.. magkakaroon lng ng last pag patay ka na.. e hndi pa naman patay c karen!!! hmp!!
48.bakit ka nagfriefriendster?~ napilitan... bored... mang-stalk ng tao! hahaha...
49.sino laging tumatawa sa kaibigan mo?~ lahat sila...
50.bkit mo t0h snasagutan?~ laugh trip!!!! mwahahaha...


~*~

hay... onga.. para ako walang exams and deadline next week ah! tsk.tsk.
next tym na ang protests against this survey... kelangan na gumawa ng paper!

attraction...

Now that I'm thinking of it... magandang mag-take ng psych 101. Tama ka Fao! este... tama pala ung mga lectures sa inyo... tsk.tsk. Nakikita ko ung mga pinabasa mo sa ken sa notes mo.. hahaha... at talagang may katotohanan pala ang lahat ng iyon.. akala ko for special cases lang..

Hmm..Kya lang... pano ko nmn kukunin ung subj. na un? madame rin ako kelangan i-take next sem. Argh! Ikaw na lang ang mag-lecture smen... o dba... gweng psych 101 ang after class pagkikita nten! *grins*

tagal mo na rin nde nag-blog... good luck sa papers at sa exams... sna natapos mo na ung comics mo... ung translation mo... at ung anthro 10 review mo, sana nasimulan mo na.

o cia.. babalik na ko sa realidad na may dapat gawin para pumasa! minsan naiisip ko... bkit sa ibang tao nde ganun... nde nila kelangang... uhh... maghirap (?) para lang pumasa... well... gaya ng survey sa friendster...

ano ang isang bagay na narealize mo ngayong college?
- nakakalimutan pala ang time management? (na-master ko na un nung hschool eh!)

** kaen muna ko bago gawa ng paper... (sheesh... palusot ulit!)

just droppin' by... again

I've got everything I need to finish my paper... and still I don't want to start working on it. Sigh... Btw, just droppin' to make sure people can read.. uhh.. what's in here.. the fonts are quite tiny... you can adjust your text size to medium (sa view) if you want to.. that's if you can see the letters.. uhh.. that much?

what else... hmm...

geli! gumawa ka na ng blog mo! ikaw na lang ang wala pa... meg's working on hers already... pano ba yan?

hay...

okies... it bu-bye for now...

souls of rage and sorrow

Hah! pde ko gawen title ng story to ah... teka... bka nde ko lang maalala na title pala sia ng fic? tsk... ahhh... niwei...

ung previous post ko na story... i dunno... it was purposely done that way? with requirements of 150-250 words and style similar to that of Daniel's Frontiers... uhh.. i think I came close. Not quite, but close. *grins*

This one... this one drove my prof. crazy. Haha... Even I didn't know what I was talking about. I had under construction during the revision period she gave us... but I gave up on it.


~*~

Night Market


Bundled compartments on a checkerboard. A realm of distinct
and piercing voices, luring fenced figures
to the kaleidoscope of vivid hues.
Underneath the radiant globules of the darkness,
you stand amidst the cold wind.
A glimpse of Aurora’s arrival heightens the anxiety.
The enduring strength surrenders. Visions blurred
of the fading motion. Stillness seeps to the bones.
You have left me once again. To be back only when darkness have come.


~*~


Ah, no... I ended up passing the revised one after all...


~*~

Night Market 2

A kaleidoscope of various colors, the mimicry
sparkling amidst bright lights, appears everywhere.
Bundled compartments endure the gradual gush
of living beings with impenetrable space for the passing wind.
In a realm of distinct, deafening, and piercing voices,
where lungs burn for fresh air, you stand beneath the
dark canopy of winking glowing spheres, emerging vibrant as ever.
A glimpse of Aurora’s arrival heightens the anxiety.
Visions blur of the fading motion.
Everything resolves to isolation, for a moment of tranquility
and a period of preparation.
Stillness seeps to the bones.
You left me once again,
as gleaming streaks mark the sky, to be back only when darkness returns.


~*~

both aren't that much... but... a warning has been stated in the first post since the creation of this blog site. if you we're not fortunate enough to have read it... uhh... it goes sumthin' like this...

*WARNING: the owner of this blog talks nonesense most of the time, if not always, so please be reminded to bear with all her grumbles and moments of bliss about her undoubtedly monotonous life.

i know, i know

I was not able to do much of what I had in mind, but at least I ended finshing... err... a part of it. *grins* Well, I'll start again in a short while. Yup, just taking a break right now. Hahaha, my definition of break really is something. What, it's been 4 hours or so that I've been out of my room taking a break. If I had a job, I'd be unemployed by the end of my first day if this is how I define break.

Well, I've mentioned posting some of my stuff in here. I posted something, like a month ago, and since I don't have much to say for today, I'll just post another... something that's... uhh... something. *grins*

~*~*~

The Ride

I’m not home. There is no school tomorrow. I’m outside the city.
We’re in the car. I reached for the smelly can. I put it back. I opened the window. There was a long line of trees, I don’t know how many.
I closed the window and straightened on my seat. My uncle is taking me to a theme park. There will be lots of toys and fun things to do.
I’m walking from the parking lot. I saw the moving giant wheel. I want to go there.
The big circle moved with the push of a button. I’m taller than the ruler. I’m seven. My uncle lifted me and sat beside me.
It’s very high. I held my breath. Our seat was gently swinging. My uncle’s shirt is blue. His hands are bigger than mine. He’s smiling.
I kept my eyes open. There was a long buzzer sound. The safety bar was removed.
“I can manage on my own,” I tell my uncle.

~*~*~

I know it's not much. It gave me a headache when I was writing it. Sigh... I spent hours trying to come up with ideas, creative ones at that. It was for my creative writing class. I can write, but like what I said, I'm not creative.

By the way, I ended up passing another draft that I came up after this one. Yup, it was actually quite annoying. I had to sit and for hours writing this one and eventually coming up with another and deciding to pass that one. Tsk.

**myk! impluwensya mo 'to! kung poems sa'yo... fiction saken... hehehe.... *grins*

rest day

Tama! Wala akong ginawa ngayong araw na 'to. Nagplano man ako ng mga bagay na dapat kong gawin, hindi pa rin natuloy. Paggising ko kanina, sabi ko, after one hour start na ko magbasa. Pero ano?! Wala! nakinood lang ako sa kapatid atmga pinsan ko. Check ng mail, cellphone, kain. Waah! Pano ko matatapos lahat ng dapat gawin. Argh! Hmm... Come to think of it, siguro naman tama lang na I took a one day break muna before sumabak sa pag-revise at pagre-review. Hay, trying to convince myself that wasting the day was worth it. Tsk. Okay lang... kaya ko 'to. At dahil wala akong ginawa ngayon, dapat bukas meron na. Dapat hindi muna magpa-impluwensya sa kahit na anong uri ng media! Ahh, isa lang pala un. Dapat walang TV. Internet para lang sa research. Hay. Siguro hindi na ko dapat gumawa ng gumawa ng plano. Everytime I have one, nothing happens. Walang natutuloy, kahit isa! Sheesh! Dapat pagkagising bukas hindi ko mahawakan ang remote ng TV. Hindi ako dapat maupo sa tabi ng kahit sino at makinood. Bubuksan ko na lang yung radio, then, maupo sa desk at magsimula na. Yun lang. Yun lang dapat ang nakaplano. Kung ano ang dapat aralin at pano dumiskarte sa pag-aaral... Tsaka na. 'Pag na-set ko na sa study mode ang sarili ko, siguro aayos na ang lahat. Siguro, gaganahan na ko gumawa ng schoolwork. Bahala na. Pero hindi pwede na parating bahala na eh. I'm aiming at a particular grade. Might as well work hard for it at sagarin na to the highest level di ba? Yan, dapat ganyan ako bukas. Grades ang iniisip at hindi, Ah may bukas pa... kaya ko yun tapusin bukas.

Bukas. Bukas magsisimula na talaga ako. Sana makapagsimula na ko mag-aral.

Well, let's just wait and see.

just a few more days...

It's finals week! Sheesh... just when you thought you're done with everything... something suddenly comes up, reminding you... that it's not yet over.

Sigh... I really just want to get everything over and done with. But I guess that after I spend sleepless nights proving to myself that my way of interpreting made-up problems from the sample exams I have would bring me a passing mark for my final tests.

I've been complaining nonstop about my acads. Well, that about everything that's in my life right now. Academics. Not that I don't want it, but the stress is really draining me. It's like, you really like learning a lot, would want to go to school everyday for that. But then, just thinking of the stress that comes with it, school seems, or the subjects at least, makes you want to stay in bed or take your time preparing for school.

Maybe... nevermind. Sigh... everytime... it happens everytime. When I'm still at the university, I have plans what I'm supposed to study when I get home. But then again, when I'm already home, and have rested for quite a while, I get this feeling that I'm missing something. Life outside of academics, REST, leisure, things I can't pay any attention to because of my acads. Tsk. I think I've been missing just about everything.

When I'm finally thru with SCHOOL and vacation's official... I'd really take a break. However, I shouldn't waste time trying to improve my sophomore year, right? Seat-in-summer-classes-student. That'd be my role this summer. Geeesh... I'd be having a break for, like, only a week! Look on the bright side, at least I'd be having one. Plus, I won't have to pass anything if I'm not really a student of that class! It'll be lighter burden. Yup, it'll really be... from my point of view, that is.

this coming summer...

I don't think I'd be able to enjoy it. Argh! My chemistry and math sucks, I'm on the verge of failing... but there's a little hope in there that I'd pass, I wish. Even if I don't want a 3 on my classcards, I'd willingly take them. I know everything's my fault. Sigh... I just want to get everything over and done with.

After my 3rd exam on chem. last saturday, I was pretty sure I'm off to the finals. I don't know, I just, well, argh! At a lost for words, aren't I? Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. I know I didn't do well, there's nothing I can do about that. Though, the finals are still up for the grabs. Pushing your grades, even if it's a short distance, to the passing marks.

Pathetic. Now, I really want to go on vacation already.

Babble, babble, babble. Told you I usually talk nonsense.

See what exams do to my brain! I'm not even thinking straight right now... and I don't think I ever will be normal again. Hahaha... that chem. exam was really a trauma, wasn't it?

up for the challenge

Yup. It's going to be the busiest seven days of my entire life. Well, maybe as of now.

I'd have to finish TONIGHT a paper due on friday. Why is that? Because I have like three tests on the same day on one subject, CHEM 16. Now, why isn't that much of a surprise? Plus, I've got my third exam on Saturday, last exam on Geog1 on monday, and my Kas2 map exam with it.

I'll have to squish everything to my schedule and make sure that I get everything done at a specific length of time. So that I could finish all of them.

Whew! I know others are busier than I am, but they know time management. Those words have been out of my vocabulary after I entered the university. I'm still appealing for their inclusion in the next revision of my dictionary before sophomore year.

Okies, got to go! I've got to start with the paper so I can finish early. *grins*

rush week

Everything's due this week, or I guess in the next seven days. I know more complains, but that's all there is in my life right now. Problems, well not really problems, but consequences I have to face before the end of the semester. And guess what? It's all because of my laziness and carelessness. Sigh...

I had my fifth exam in Math last Monday. I don't feel good about it. Now, my last hope is my finals on the 30th of March. That will determine if I'll go do the summer classes, because I failed it, or not. My friend said she watched fear factor yesterday and saw this woman, against the men in the group, jump on a speeding truck to the another. The thing is, the men failed to complete the stunt, and she, on the other hand, was able to do it. One thing my friend mentioned was that the woman kept muttering 'I can do it. I can do it. I can do it' and in the end she was able to. Both my friend and I are having problems in Math, so we both agreed to do just the same thing. Say to ourselves that we can do it and at the same time study double hard. Maybe five times the effort!

I'll pass. I'll study real hard to pass. I don't want to do the course all over again.

Uhh... and I forgot. That includes Chemistry too!

there's nothing special...

I've talked with a lot of people, have compared myself to quite a number, and ended hating myself. For the past couple of years, I've considered myself to have an open mind, but stepping into college and mingling with people I don't often have an idea how their minds run, have proven me wrong. Yup, I may be receptive to new ideas but am really biased most of the time. (Oo, makitid ang utak ko!)

There are a lot of things that needs logical reasoning, social and moral explanations, and common sense. However, I don't think I have any of those. Well, let's just put it this way. I won't see the light if no one would tell me where it is. If no one would explain to me how things really work or what the other side of the story is. I'm pretty easy to manipulate, aren't I? I mean, my views in life changes as easy as one press on the TV remote to switch channels.

That's it! I really don't know where I stand. Yeah, like what they always say, I'm still trying to find myself. I just wish it'll be soon. Very, very soon. Just in time when it's not yet too late.

Sigh... I don't make much sense, don't I. Well, that has always been, and will always be, my problem.

I talk nonsense.

i hold secrets...shhh!

It's been a long day. Sigh... I'm still not happy with my math, another exam is coming up (my Geog. 1), another deadline (my Eng. 10 position paper), and still more problems. Gosh, I'm starting to hate myself for having nothing but complaints! Well, maybe I should.

Hmmm... some happy thoughts. Let's think about one. Ah! Today, a friend told me one of her biggest secrets. Someone trusted me today! I mean, she saw me as one who would really keep it (and I'm planning to do so, forever!) and be open-minded about it. And I was! All I could say is that I never really thought that it can happen in real life. That is until I met her. Well, you know who you are. *grins* . I'll always be here, don't worry, I'll be a loyal member of your *circle of friends*.

Happy thoughts... I don't have much of them. So... I read stuff, listen to other people, entertain myself of petty things around me. That way I wouldn't be reminded that I don't have a life. Sigh... Now I'm sure I won't have to do summer classes. Advance classes that is. I just wish I won't have to repeat any of my majors this semester. Though I'm having a hard time with them (that's Math 53 and Chem 16), I really want to pass so I won't have to worry about anything and just enjoy my summer!

Wish me LUCK! Or better yet, PRAY for me! Do whatever ritual that will help me pass. Maybe I should start wearing charms?

done...!

Finally! I'm done with my english paper, but I'm not sure my prof.'s going to like it. I still have my math homework though. I'll have to do that on the way to school. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. When will I ever change...

i'm back!

Haven't written in a really long time... and a lot of things have happened to me. As of now I'm trying to make myself write a review about a play I've watched a few weeks ago. It's due tomorrow afternoon. I've not written even a single word, yet. I still have no idea where and how to begin.

It's been a week or so, wasn't it? A very tiring one at that. I was out of the country for four days. Well, three and a half. I should've enjoyed my stay there, but no! I was studying for my major subjects so I could catch up. I'm really lagging behind everything, including my grades. My hope for a Chem 16 exemption to the finals has banished after I got a hold of my class standing a few days ago. My Math 53, on the other hand... well, I could just hope for the best. I'm hanging on the line there. My grades are INCREDIBLY slipping! I haven't been like this for a long time. I haven't been the one to hope for just a passing grade since i was in second year high school. I really don't have a good feeling upon the end of the semester, but I do hope that I'm not one of those who have to do make-up classes. I DON'T WANT TO FAIL ANYTHING!

And then, there's the whole catching up to finish every lesson before the end of the school year. All my final long exams are coming up next week, my practicals, deadlines, everything! I do want to do summer classes to advance some of my subjects, but I really think I need the time off more. Rest, plenty of sleep, and a LIFE. I need those. Maybe I'd back out with the summer classes. I'm still not sure. By next week, maybe I'll find out.

Yup, now I know. I need time to relax. I haven't been sleeping exactly the way other people do it. I often wake up, find myself in the middle of books, papers, a still open computer, and my lights on. I often fall asleep not even knowing I did, and I don't like that. It always makes me feel I haven't rested well when I wake up. Sigh... I need to know how to manage my time and resist media temptations (particularly television and internet).

I have to go now. Staying here any longer won't help me with my paper. I need a good grade on that. Then, at least, I'll have one subject less on my worries.